It's always darkest before the dawn 1
by stealy
Summary: ..And then she uttered the one word that keeps echoing through my head every time I close my eyes "Goodbye.." ..Continuing from the heartbreaking scene in 4x23


"Please forgive me!" I was begging. Emily looked angry but she nodded at me. "I do forgive you. But I don't think I could ever trust you again." Her words stung like a slap to my face. "What do you say?" I stared at her^, waiting for an answer when I heard a car pulling up behind me. Emily didn't answer immediately. She only looked at me for a while and I got more and more scared. When Emily started looking away I began to realize what that meant for us. And then she uttered the one word that keeps echoing through my head every time I close my eyes. "Goodbye!" Goodbye…Goodbye.

Four days have passed and I haven't heard a single word from her. When I got the news that Mr Fitz was shot, I tried calling her, sent her one text message after the other and left a desperate voice mail begging her to at least tell me she was okay. But it wasn't until I called Spencer that I found out what happened with A. Even Hanna sent me a text message that I shouldn't worry about Emily and that they are fine. And when I rushed to the hospital where Aria was anxiously waiting for Mr Fitz to get out of surgery, even the small girl whose beloved one was struggling with death was consoling me. "It's always darkest before the dawn" she said and tried to give me a small smile.

I couldn't stand the thought to see her and Alison at school. So I skipped school for the last week. I pretended to have a bad stomach and since I didn't want to eat anything at all my parents believed me. My dad even let me stay in bed without giving me his usual lecture about staying in shape. I guess the large bags underneath my eyes must have told him I was really sick. But today I can't stay in. I promised the swim team to support them and since Emily won't be at there due to her injured shoulder I don't even have an excuse to not go to the race. Shana texted me to make sure I would come and Spencer left a note at my house that she was even considering sitting next to me during lunch if I decided to turn up at school again. That's huge, coming from a girl who once considered me to be her mortal enemy. So this morning I decided to start living again. I took a long and needed shower, brushed my teeth until they started shining in the dark and thought about changing my style. Even though part of me did it in hope of winning Emily back, there is also a part of me that wants to show her what she lost. Maybe I should cut my hair and follow Coco Chanel's statement 'A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.' On the other hand, thinking about my hair style in the past, I have to agree with Jim Morrison who said 'Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts'. Perhaps I should rather keep my hair like it, is in order to show the world that I'm fine. And the fact that Emily loves.. I mean loved.. my long hair will support my mission to show her what she left behind.

Or maybe I should go crawl back into my bed again.. Maybe, if I won't turn up at school for the next weeks, Emily will start worrying about me and turn up at my house and then she would see me in my misery all thin and grey and neglected, but with still long and mysteriously beautiful hair. And then she would feel sorry that she left me and tell me how much she loves me and that she missed me and.. Oh my God.. I'm doing it again. I'm pretending to be the poor abandoned princess that can only be saved by her knight in shining armour. Even though this knight was the one who abandoned me in the first place.. And since when am I the princess who needs to be saved? I always pitied the girls who thought that they couldn't take the first step when it came to love and their destiny and now I am pretending to be the soon to be saved princess while I'm in real the worst helpless maiden ever.

A text message from Aria is the final push I needed. I wipe away the last set of tears I cried after one Emily Fields, put on a light make up and nice clothes of course, no not nice, my favourite ones, since I don't have to please anyone besides myself (it's pure coincidence and just a nice side effect that my favourite pair of jeans also got me a bunch of looks and compliments in the past), and straighten my posture!

Before I leave the door I reread Aria's text message one more time. I think I found my personal mantra.

**Aria M.- Ezra woke up & quoted d Bard.. ****_It's not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves_**

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**_TBC by YOU - I would love it if someone could continue the story (title It's always darkest before the dawn 2)_**


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